Having a random hookup so left but love u
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
