She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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