i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I love you. Go after that dick
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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