member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You need Xanax blowdarts
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
