just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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