All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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