You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
