So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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