she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
