What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
