Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
