It was confusing and full of hummus
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
