I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
