how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
