i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i've created a new STD.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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