I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Can I color on your dick again?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
