Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
