She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
