Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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