At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
