just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
