I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
