drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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