So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
