Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
