im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
being pregnant is like rehab
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
