I think I am morally bankrupt
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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