Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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