I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
