Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
