Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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