So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
