Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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