Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
