i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
