Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
