we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
