It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
