and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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