You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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