For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
