Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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