i'm signing you up for texting rehab
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
