So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
