Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
