I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
