I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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