If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
