Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
