I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
