thus making me awesome and them whores
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
