I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
