theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
