Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
