love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
