ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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