I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
