were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
