Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
