She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
