well you can't waste a boner
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
