imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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