Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Randomize