Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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