That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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