I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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