Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
