My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
