birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
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