we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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